This has caused lots of questions. “Who is she REALLY? What are red flags I should watch for in the future? How did I miss this?” And arguably the most important question of all, “Who can I trust?”.

With the prominence of online influencers in our culture, there is an increasingly stark realization that many online personas are based on ideology rather than reality.

I can’t help but remember other fraudulent influencers from times past such as Belle Gibson who lied about curing cancer with whole foods and holistic living. Or Ruby Franke of 8 Passengers who made people believe she was anything other than a criminal against children.

In leu of these influential false identities having come to light, there are lessons to be learned and we should be vigilant and on high alert.

1. People crave validation and belonging. It’s a tale as old as time. It’s hardwired into our DNA. It’s imprinted into every fiber of our being going all the way back to our birth. In Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, there are 5 basic needs. Physiological needs, safety needs, love and belonging needs, esteem needs, and self actualization needs. The fact that he would include those last 3 next to physiological needs such as food and water is very telling. Love, belonging, self esteem and personal growth are the biggest contributing factors to why women like Jennifer Bays, the lonely woman behind Patriarchy Hannah, would do what she did. And while it doesn’t excuse her, it does shed light onto her deprivations.

2. Fame is intoxicating. Not just the obvious financial aspect, but also because it fills our self esteem cup. See above. The importance and prominence it gives these people is unparalleled. And just like anything else in life that’s intoxicating, we can get lost in it.

3. Question perfection. There’s an old saying “If it sounds too good to be true it probably is.” Too many things about her “life” simply didn’t add up. There were many inconsistencies. Her perfect image she portrayed ended up being a fallacious mess that she should clean up. Perfection became her poison. Not just for herself, but for everyone who trusted her.

4. Discernment must be cultivated. I’m not sitting on a pedestal when I say this either. In fact I am mostly preaching to myself here. I am the most trusting person on earth. But we need discernment to be able to differentiate fraud from fact.

5. And finally, protect your emotions. I’m reminded of Proverbs 4:23 at the beginning that says “Guard your heart.” Whether we are believers or not, the same concept applies to all. We must guard our hearts from toxicity or we will be hurt for it. And if the last few days has taught us anything at all it’s that in order to lead productive and fulfilling lives we need to be careful who we get attached to.

Remember, in a world of aesthetics, be authentic.

So let’s get straight to it. This is my recipe for my latest creation. Enjoy!

Pumpkin Oat Loaf Cake:

Yield: 2 loaves

Ingredients:

• 1 3/4 cups flour

• 1 tsp baking soda

• 2 heaping teaspoons of ground cinnamon

• 1 tsp pumpkin pie spice

• 1 tsp vanilla

• 1 tsp ginger

• 1 tsp of salt

• 1 cup packed brown sugar

• 1/2 cup melted butter

• 1/4 cup heavy cream

• 2 eggs

• 1 1/2 cup pumpkin puree, canned

• 1 cup of oats

To make:

Preheat oven to 325F. Get two bowls. In one bowl, combine the flour, oats, baking soda, salt., cinnamon, pumpkin pie spice and ginger. Mix. In the next bowl combine the eggs, brown sugar, vanilla, melted butter, heavy cream and pumpkin puree. Mix with an electric mixer or spoon, lightly for a few minutes. Slowly mix the flour mixture into the wet ingredients until smooth. Grease two 9 inch loaf pans with butter or oil, and put the batter in halfway each. Put in oven for 30-45 minutes or until center comes out clean with a knife. Personally, I like mine a little underdone but to each their own.

Remember, it continues to cook a little after you get it out of the oven so keep that in mind.

If you’ve made this, let me know how it turned out!

A few weeks ago unfolded a day I’ll never forget. Walking into my favorite brunch place, I was excited about reconnecting with a friend I hadn't seen in a decade. Yet, upon arrival, the morning took an unexpected turn. Despite a long line and an anticipated 20-minute wait, a host appeared as if by fate, declaring, “Actually, there's a table just for you. Follow me this way.” He led me directly to a spot next to another friend, who was there celebrating her birthday without me.

This strange coincidence suggested a divine, planned encounter from above. Somehow, I knew I was supposed to see this.

Mutual friends were around her, laughing and enjoying themselves, and there I was, not invited, feeling like an outsider. It didn't make sense. We had been going to each other's birthdays for years, we've gone shopping, we've stayed at the beach together. In my mind, this friend was close.

It hit me hard, realizing I wasn't as important to her as I thought. Despite the sting of being left out, I had to hold myself together. This friend I was meeting had driven an hour to see me.

A strange mix of emotions took over me. I was happy to see one friend, and hurt by another, all in the same place at the same time. It was surreal. I kept pinching myself to see if I was dreaming.

Surely this was the stuff you'd only see on a Netflix drama. How is this happening to me in real life and what did I do to deserve this? Where's the camera crew? At the very least I should be getting paid for this gut punch.

So many questions filled my mind and my self esteem took a huge hit. I've been struggling with feelings of worthlessness and self doubt. I've asked myself, "Am I valuable?"

But the truth is, that isn't the right question. The question I needed to be asking was, "Who finds me valuable?"

Well, the friend who drove an hour to meet me at the restaurant did, for instance. And how about when I came home and my husband welcomed me with open arms? He finds value in me on the daily.

I realized that day one of the most important lessons I would ever realize, and that is this:

I have an energy source inside me. Where am I putting that energy? Am I wasting it on people who exploit and use me? Am I wasting it on people who never ask if I'm ok? Am I wasting it on people who I've done things for, but they've never done anything in return? Or am I using my energy on the people who DO find value in me? My children, my husband, my best friend, my family.

Why expend energy on those who overlook my worth, when I could cherish and nurture the bonds that reciprocate love and effort?

This painful experience taught me to focus on those who see me for who I am, cherish me, and reciprocate my love and effort. These are the connections that truly matter, the ones that deserve my time, my energy, and my heart. This shift in perspective is not just about overcoming a moment of pain; it's about recognizing where my true value lies and embracing those who make life meaningful.

Where are you putting your energy today? Or more importantly, who deserves it?

I'm sorry.

I was that person, judging you from afar. I grew up in the evangelical church and was always taught that divorce was never an option. So when you went through it, through all of that pain and made the difficult choice that is not for anyone else to make, I looked down on you with my judgmental eyes.

But life is funny, isn't it? It has a way of humbling us in our most unhumble moments.

Little did I know at my arrogant, foolish and way too young 20 years of age, that I myself would join you on the path to ending a marriage. It happened though, and I've learned a lot. But the things I've learned weren't learned from a text book or a Hollywood movie.

No.

The things I've learned were learned from experience. And that's what I'm going to share with you.

When I was going through my divorce a few years ago, there was so much I didn't understand. All I based my knowledge on was what I observed from other peoples' experiences. In other words, as an outsider. I had no real grasp on what all of it entailed until I actually went through it myself. And to my surprise, I found myself in a situation that wasn't like anything I witnessed.

There was no guide, no instruction manual. Of course I got unsolicited advice from "friends" and well-meaning acquaintances about the ordeal, but they always contradicted each other and their words always left me even more confused.

Here are the top 5 things I've learned from divorce, that no one told me:

1. Divorce can turn into a divorce SEASON. As if ending a marital relationship isn't hard enough, other relationships will likely become affected too. Get ready to lose friends, acquaintances, family members. There is an array of reasons one loses relationships in divorce. People will judge on moral grounds, friends will be jealous of your newfound happiness, friends will choose to believe lies being spread about you, family may choose the side of your ex-spouse since there are two sides to every story, some people will jeopardize your wellbeing to prop up the wrong people in the name of "peacekeeping", and friends who you thought would be your friends for life will mysteriously ghost you.

2. Child custody is not a "one size fits all". When you think of child custody,  you think of the wife having full custody, or the parents splitting custody, or the husband having full custody only if the wife is unfit to be a mother. But there are all sorts of custody arrangements in between that are less talked about and it's OK. What works for one family may not work for another family.

3. Relationships with kids change, for worse or for better. In some big ways, my relationships with my kids changed for the better. And in some other ways, not so much. No matter which way you slice divorce, relationships with your kids will evolve or devolve depending on the way you choose to go about things, specific personalities and stages of life. Whatever the outcome, get ready for conversations. Your kids will have a lot of questions and you'll need to be ready to answer according to their stage of life. If given the power, kids would always choose for their parents to remain together and at peace.

4. Entering a state of hypervigilance. When a person goes through something incredibly difficult and life altering, they often enter a state of being what psychologists like to call "hypervigilance". This basically means a state of survival. You'll find yourself exhausted when you finally feel at ease and happy again. Embrace this exhaustion. Get as much rest as you can. Get a good therapist, and a best friend you can trust to share your inner struggles with. Meditate. Pray. Work hard. Use your gifts and your talents. Find your new you. Hypervigilance doesn't last forever but it's an important step in your metamorphosis. Even caterpillars have to rest for a while before they become butterflies.

5. People make assumptions and have opinions about life after divorce and are VERY vocal about it. Didn't go about things in the cookie-cutter typical way that is normalized in society? Be prepared for the unsolicited commentary. Recently, a troll found me on online and condemned me for the way I'm handling my post-divorce life, while sharing private information. Someone I'd never heard of, who turned out to be a friend of a "friend". If this happens to you, remember to have perspective. It's YOUR life and you get to decide what's best for you and your family. Period. No if's, and's or but's. Remember point 1. Put these people in their place, kindly but firmly and let God do the rest.

If you're about to go through divorce, my heart goes out to you. Whatever the reason may be, you will be ok. You will come out the other side stronger than ever. If you're going through any of this, I would love to hear from you.

Equip yourself with knowledge and your future self will thank you. I know it's painful now, but it won't always be.

There is happiness waiting for you that you didn't even know possible.

I used to think of comfort, peace, serenity, and restoration. I used to think that if I chose to heal, it would be smooth sailing into blissful paradise. I used to think this about healing, that is, until I actually went through it myself. Then I realized, there were words I was missing. Anxiety, sadness, fear, anger, turmoil, pain.

It didn't mean that there wasn't beauty in healing. There absolutely was. But it didn't take away from the fact that it hurt. A lot.

But why? Why would something so beautiful, and so important for life be so painful? To heal is to transform into something better. So wouldn't that be a good thing? Where does the pain come from?

It's because when we heal, we have to address unaddressed pain. We have to take the band-aid off of the splinter that we covered because we didn't have time to deal with it, and we have to pull the splinter out. Oh and by the way, because we chose to wait so long, now it's infected. It's spreading into other areas of our lives. Our relationships. Our work. Our parenting. And so much more.

So yes, it's going to hurt. First we have to disinfect it. Then we have to get out the tweezers. Then we have to dig. And since it's deep now, this might take a while. After the splinter is out though, and the infection is gone, and the wound closes back up, we do get to apply those good words to describe healing.

Comfort, peace, serenity, and restoration come after anxiety, sadness, fear, turmoil and pain. Not the other way around.
 

At the end of Psalm 30:1-5, David says, "Weeping may last for the night, but a shout of joy comes in the morning".

This is such a beautiful picture of what healing looks like. We need to endure the pain before we can enjoy the relief that comes with perseverance. But it isn't easy.

This is why so many people, including myself, delay healing. It isn't because we don't want to reap the benefits of it. It's because healing is a painful process that requires dedication, consistency and self-discipline. In other words, it's work. And frankly, work takes time and effort. When our lives are busy, the last thing on our minds is to take on another task, especially if we can grit and bare or ignore it.

But the longer we ignore the splinter, the longer healing will take.

Choose today to remove it.

@tellchantelStop looking for worth in all the wrong places! 😎👏💯 #selfworth #dailyreminder #important #value #tipsoftiktok #tips #empowerment #mentalhealth #selfhelp #people #worthy #lesson #relatable #fyp

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When we don't get these things as a child, it can have long term consequences in a person's life, both mental and physical. Treatment for mental illness is a big business for a reason. We are in dire need of worthiness - that assurance and knowledge that we are valued, cherished and loved.

But we don't just need these things as children. This need lasts our whole lives. It's by design. Nothing is wrong with you if you're sad this need isn't being met. You are not irrational or dysfunctional for feeling the negative effects of having a void that hasn't been filled. You're normal. This cannot be emphasized enough.

But what then? If we need to find worth, where is it? Can you find it in one night stands? Can you find it in the words of affirmation from others? Can you find it from your therapist? Your coworker? Or even your spouse?

Short answer: no. This is how I spent a great part of my life. I wasted years and years trying to find my worth in my parents, in boys when I was in high school, in mom friends when I became a mom, in my spouse, in my children, and so many others. Some could argue I was "codependent". Codependency causes a person to form unhealthy emotional attachments to people, in my case because of childhood trauma. A few years ago, I set out on a quest to heal, and I've never looked back. Making my wellbeing a priority was the best decision I've ever made, and it's only been uphill from there.

My worth, as it turns out, had been with me all along. Underneath the pain of neglect, abandonment, abuse and brokenness, my worth was there. It was buried like a hidden treasure under a mountain of rocks and I had to use a chisel to find it, but it was there nonetheless. What did it look like? It was beautiful. It looked like the internal sense of being good enough, just as I was, with the potential that I had. Without grandiosity, accomplishments, or interesting people, I was worthy just by existing on this earth. I realized that I was here for a purpose, a reason, and that I would never let that purpose be hidden under a mountain again.

If you're in the place I was in before, I am here to tell you that you can find it just like I did by remembering and meditating on these facts:
 

1. You are an expression. When you were born, God handpicked you to be the only you in the entire universe. Not a single other person has your finger prints, your personality, your unique set of talents, or your soul. You are one in multiple billion. You are a unique life, expressed. Every breath that you take, every word that you speak and every talent and gift that you use gives you an opportunity to express your worth.

2. Worthiness is innate. You can't earn it, you can't find it in people, and you can't speak it into existence. Your worth is as genetic as the color of your hair or the shape of your eyes.

3. Your worth isn't going anywhere. At no point can you "lose" your worth. Even if you make mistakes, your worth is God-given. It cannot be taken from another person. It cannot be bought. It's with you wherever you go, and it's staying.

"Owning our worthiness is the act of acknowledging that we are sacred"

- Brené Brown

We all know by now how important it is when connecting with others and earning trust. But what if you can't relate? Then what? How can you empathize with someone when you haven't had the same experience as them? 

@tellchantel @tellchantel ♬ original sound - Chantel DC

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Envision this scenario…

You're sitting next to someone who is crying about something. Maybe it's a friend, a family member or even a stranger. You want to help them, so you ask them what's wrong. But then when they tell you, you realize that you don't know what to say. They've just told you something you've never experienced, so how can you empathize? 

I will tell you right now, if you've been in this situation, you're not alone, and nothing is wrong with you. I've been there before and it can be so hard.

Today, I'm going to teach you something invaluable I learned that helped me empathize in seemingly impossible moments. And I know it can help you too. 

One word: Meisner.  

Years ago when I worked as a professional film actress, I studied an acting technique called The Meisner Technique. This method teaches you how to relate to the character you're going to play by finding something in their experience that's similar to your own. For example if the character is struggling with a fear of rejection, but rejection has never bothered you, can you think of something you ARE afraid of? If you're human, most likely you will find something.

Think of that thing when you're identifying with the other person.

One of the reasons people have trouble empathizing is because they don't realize that the other person's situation doesn't have to be EXACTLY like theirs. It doesn't!

In other words, you can still empathize with someone even if you seem different. Remember, we are only as different as we let ourselves be. At the end of the day, we are all human. We can all find something to understand in the other person even if it seems hard.
 

Now, I know what some of you might be thinking. "But what if it's a major loss? What if the person just lost their husband and I've never been through something like that? How can I possibly empathize in that situation?"

It's true that you won't be able to relate 100% with their experience. And you can even be upfront about it when comforting them. But what can you do? Imagine if someone you deeply love was suddenly taken from you. How would it make you feel? How would it make you act?

Recently, one of my friend's husband passed away. They were perfect for each other and clearly very in love. I've never experienced this kind of tremendous loss before, but being the diehard empath that I am, I was determined to offer something, anything other than simply "I can't imagine the loss" or "I'm so sorry."

So I imagined what it would be like if the love of my life suddenly died. What would the house sound like without his voice? What would I feel when I drove in the car and he wasn't by my side making me laugh? What would I feel when I go to bed at night and he's not next to me? When I imagined these things, I was in tears. Probably charged with pregnant hormones, I actually couldn't stop crying for hours when it hit me that I too could lose my soulmate before we're old.

I told my friend this. I said that even though this has never happened to me, I could feel the pain she was probably experiencing, though obviously not nearly as much. I told her that if my love was taken from me, I would feel heartbroken, devastated and lost.

Imagining myself in her position by finding something in my own life that I could apply it to, my heart hurt so much for her.
 

See what empathy did? It didn't just help me be able to relate to my friend even though we didn't share the experience, it helped me value and appreciate my own husband more.

Empathy is a hugely valuable tool in all kinds of relationships because it builds trust in the other person. When we can empathize with someone, they feel safe with usm They feel like they can be vulnerable and honest with us. I don't know about you, but I want authentic, deep connections like this.

With empathy, this is possible.

@tellchantelHas anyone ever said these things to you? You're not alone. And remember that you DON'T have to be happy all the time... #toxicpositivity #life #selfhelp #happy #emotions #itsoktocry #vulnerability #mind #mentalhealth #selfimprovement #honest #selflove #boundaries #tiptok

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It's happened to me too over the years, and I can say without a doubt that it has never helped the situation I'm in.

On the surface, this kind of "positivity" might seem nice and encouraging, but in reality, it can minimize and invalidate the experience of the person who is struggling.

There's a fine line between encouraging someone, and invalidating their struggle. Nothing is wrong with having a positive outlook. But when we have the opportunity to give someone hope, we need to make sure that it's mixed with compassion and empathy.

How to tell the difference between healthy optimism and toxic positivity:

1. Healthy optimism offers hope to the hopeless while also empathizing with, encouraging and edifying the other person.

2. Toxic positivity invalidates, minimizes and masks over the other person's experience in an attempt to cause guilt and shame for not expressing positivity in their pain.

In other words, the heart behind optimism is hope. And the heart behind toxic positivity is denial. One has empathy, and the other one doesn't.

People express toxic positivity for a couple reasons. One is to speed up the healing process in the other person because they themselves have learned to speed up or mask their own as a coping mechanism. Toxic positivity can be a form of projection. People who struggle with toxic positivity sometimes live in denial of their reality and they expect others to do the same. They project their own  mindset and push it on others in the name of "positive vibes only". The other reason some people express toxic positivity though, is simply because they are distracted with their own happiness and aren't in a place where they want to help someone who is struggling.

Readers, don't think I am innocent in all of this. I'm on the autism spectrum so let me tell you: I can be dense. I've unintentionally made people feel invalidated when I've tried to "encourage" them. But I've also learned how to improve my communication. Now I can warn others of the harmful effects toxic positivity can have on someone, and I can teach you how to correct it like I did.

How to turn toxic positivity into healthy optimism:

1. LISTEN. The very first step to encouraging anyone at all is to listen, and listen fully. Let the other person say everything that they want to say before you say a single word. And really gauge this situation. Many, many times, a person simply wants this and nothing else. They don't want encouragement, they don't want hugs, and they certainly don't want you telling them that they should be ok. They simply want a listening ear. "Talk therapy" is a profession for a very good reason.

2. EMPATHIZE. Maybe you haven't gone through exactly what they've gone through, but we can all find something about their struggle we can relate to. For example, if the person is sad because their friend ghosted them, try remembering a time in your life when someone you cared about ignored you. How did it make you feel? Probably pretty rotten. This is more or less how the other person is feeling too. Now that you can relate to this person, even if it's only on a small scale, you are officially empathizing. Congratulations!

3. ASK. Ask if this person wants feedback or encouragement. If they do, skip to number four. If they don't, see number one. Your mission is complete. Simply sit with them in their pain and let them know you're there for them. Being present in their suffering is sometimes all that they need.

4. ENCOURAGE. Healthy encouragement is a beautiful thing. It means you've empathized enough to understand their struggle, and now you are offering love, hope and edification. Saying something like, "I want you to know that you're amazing person. Thank you for being vulnerable and opening up to me. Remember that you're not alone. I'm here for you, and God is with you wherever you go. I will be praying for you and checking up on you while you heal". This is SO much more powerful than "Just choose happiness!" and guaranteed it will not cause resentment.

Here is the bottom line: If someone chooses to share their pain with you, that's a huge honor. Really think about that and take it seriously. The fact that this person has chosen you above anyone else in that moment to confide in, speaks volumes. They TRUST YOU. Don't break that trust by saying something that could hurt them even further than they already feel.

"This capacity for empathy leads to a genuine encounter. We have to progress toward this culture of encounter in which the heart speaks to heart"

-Pope Francis

Then combine laughter with prayer and trust in God, journaling and companionship, and you're setting yourself up for a whole new way of thinking, and it's good. Laughing is as if to say: "Ok, big storm, I know you appear strong and scary, but I'm not afraid of you".

If you're going through a storm right now, laughing may be the last thing on your mind, and that's OK. But if it's possible, see if you can find something funny about the situation.

Play a game with yourself. See how many hypocrisies and ironies you can find in the chaos you're in. Write them out. Verbalize them out loud. Eventually, you will start to see the tornado as a little dust devil.

With great storms often comes great irony. 

And if you're anything like me, you know that God is in the midst of your storms. Let Him be your anchor through it, and be sure to laugh along the way.

On a side note, be sure to follow me on Twitter @tellchantel for real, raw, honest inspiration on how to laugh in the chaos.

@tellchantelIf you don't ask, the answer is no. This is the BEST advice I've ever gotten. Here's why... #life #selfhelp #advice #rejection #fear #brave #mentalhealth #empowerment #strength #strong #speakup

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Benefits of asking boldly for things:

1. It breaks the barriers of the fear of rejection

2. It enables outside the box thinking

3. It opens up new opportunities

I'm on the autism spectrum so thinking outside the box comes with my territory, but when it came to social interactions, that was definitely a learned skill. I WANTED friends. I wanted connection just like anyone else. So I knew I had to make some changes. It started in high school. I went from being a loner to having friends because of this simple strategy my dad taught me. I just started walking up to people. The interactions went something like this:

"I like you. We have these things in common. Let's be friends. Want to hang out after school?"

I continued this strategy long after my youth. Just a few years ago I did this to someone who was new at the church I went to. She was the worship leader's wife and seemed to already be making friends quickly. To be honest I felt intimidated by her. But it didn't stop me from walking straight up to her at the church picnic and asking if she would be my friend. She said yes! 

So far, not a single person has rejected me asking to be their friend, which is odd because I'm kind of an odd person. But I digress. It works.

Then fast forward to the million times I've been on the phone with customer service reps. With some good 'ol people skills and boldness, I found myself getting what I wanted by simply just ASKING.

Or take this example that happened to me just a few weeks ago…

I wanted to start seeing the same doctor I used to see years ago, so I called the office to make an appointment. But the receptionist told me that she was no longer taking new patients. "I'll send you to her voicemail" she said. "You can ask her if she has recommendations for another doctor". "Yeah, ok" I replied as I laughed to myself. I would do no such thing. As soon as I got to her voicemail, I asked if she would be willing to make an exception to see me again since she was my favorite doctor.

The result? I got a text from her the very next day telling me that she had made an opening for me.

Success.

If you're scared to ask boldly, ask yourself this question: What's the absolute worst thing that could happen if I ask for this? Are policemen going to show up? Is my family going to get kidnapped for ransom? Am I going to die? No. Most likely, as in 99.9% of the time, the worst thing to happen is that they will tell you no.

And so what if they do? SO WHAT? If the answer is no, then you can move on confidently, knowing that you at least tried. When you ask, there is a chance of a yes. When you don't ask, the answer is no. Wouldn't you rather risk getting a yes response than to not even have that be an option? I know I would.

Sure, there is always a small chance that the other person will offer that outside the box thing to you on their own, but is it likely? Not really. Besides, we shouldn't go around waiting on people to get what we want. They're busy. You're busy. Most likely, you are not on their minds. Such is the nature of humans.

So get out there and be bold. Don't let fear hold you back from asking the big questions. Remember, the worst case scenario isn't as scary as you might think.

Ask, and you may receive. Don't ask, and you most likely won't.

-Steve Jobs

Most people don't know this, but I worked in the death care industry as a customer service representative for a year, receiving anywhere from 30-100 calls a day. This is what it taught me:

1. This industry reveals that people grieve in an infinite number of ways. There is no "set standard" for grieving. There is no formula like you may have heard. For one person, they may never come to the "acceptance" phase and be stuck in a constant loop of anger and rage for many, many years. And for another person, they may have the stages of grief completely out of order and then on repeat. Some people screamed at me on the phone, some people cried, and some people told me their life stories.

2. This industry is not for the faint of heart. It can be very, very hard for empaths. REWARDING, but also hard. I will never forget a call I got from a mother asking when her son's gravestone would be done. After 30 minutes of hearing her story, I was in tears. Had to step outside to get some fresh air while the next customer was calling. There were days when I would go home so fulfilled that I was able to help someone who needed it by offering a listening ear. Then there were days I would go home an absolute wreck.

3. This industry puts death into perspective. I was perpetually amazed at how many customers called each day. Every call represented a soul lost - young, old, and everywhere in between. When we go about our daily lives, most of us don't think of death. In my case though, I had to think about it at least a hundred times a day, 5 days a week. "Memento mori" took on a whole practical meaning.

4. This industry requires compassion. When people are hurting, they need love. This means listening, empathizing and offering encouragement. I saw too many working in this field who were organized and process-driven, but lacked compassion. And I saw the consequences of it. The death care industry would benefit from remembering that the deceased are not just order numbers. They are souls who left behind people who loved them dearly. And those people are in pain.

A legacy is a person, remembered. When we remember them, we are not just holding onto their memories. We are taking the best from that person and putting them into action. Grief is a normal part of people's lives that we need to handle with care and consideration.

Remember that we all must die. But before we do, let's make sure we truly live.

Have you lost a loved one? What was your experience with funeral homes, gravestone companies, etc? How do you think they could change? I would love to hear from you.

Sound familiar?

It's a tale as old as time: Injustice. I've found myself in these moments sitting there completely helpless thinking, "Now what? How can I move on from this? While I’m in all of this pain and agony, this person just walked away like it was nothing at all. And more importantly, where is God in all of this?"

I want you to know that YES you can move on from this, even when they're not sorry. And not only can you move on, you can be free. It will take time to heal from the injustice, but I promise there is hope.

I've experienced so much of this in my life, from the time I was young. Story after story of people mistreating me, betraying me, and using me for their personal gain. People who I thought I could trust -  no apologies, no remorse, and no justice to be found.

These are the steps I try take when someone is attempting to destroy my life and isn't sorry:

1. Withdraw. Stepping away from the situation to process, meditate, pray and reflect does wonders. Whether that means going on a walk (or 10), talking with a trusted friend or family member, or journaling, withdrawing helps the mind decompress from a bad situation which is CRUCIAL for our wellbeing.

2. Address. Address the person who enacted evil on you. This doesn't mean acting cruel or malicious. This means being kind, but DIRECT. Even Jesus Himself was direct towards people who had evil in their hearts. Saying something like "You did this. This is how I feel. I want you to know why what you did wasn't ok."

3. Action. Set boundaries, then be determined to live a purposeful, fulfilling life. Action can mean so many things depending on the situation. That's where discernment and wisdom comes into play. But one thing is for certain no matter what - when you choose to live a purposeful, fulfilling life, you are unstoppable. Your enemies can't haunt you if you're busy.

4. Surrender. Once you've addressed the situation, it's time to surrender. You've done what you can do. "Let go, and let God" is an act of surrender when you've done all you can. It's not being a doormat, and it's NOT giving up. It's trusting that God sees so much more than we do, and He will fight our battles even when we're silent.

5. Perspective. "Stop being a prisoner of your past. Become an architect of your future" - Robin Sharma. I love this quote because it's a good reminder to not get stuck in the things we can no longer control. Focus on living the best life you can possibly live.

6. Forgive, now or someday. I say "someday" here, because forgiveness isn't cheap or easy. It can be a journey, not an event. If you're having trouble forgiving the person who isn't sorry, trust me - I get it. You're perfectly normal. As you continue to process what happened, remember that forgiveness does not mean trust. It simply means you are surrendering bitterness, resentment and anger, which will free you. The good news is that God can work on their heart so much better than we can. It definitely takes the pressure off to try to change the other person!

Can you share about a time you've experienced injustice before, and the person was not sorry? How did you handle it? What was the outcome?

Here are some important updates about my life so that you're all aware:

1. I'm expecting! Baby is due in a few months and my hubby and I are very excited. I am 22 weeks along - a little over halfway there! My kids are excited too and have been helping me come up with a name- especially my daughter. She is looking so forward to being a big sister! I feel so blessed. This has been a wonderful, welcoming surprise and I'm beyond grateful to God for His provisions.

2. I'm mostly active on Twitter as opposed to all of my other social media sites. To see what I'm up to on a regular basis, be sure to follow me @tellchantel! Direct link: https://twitter.com/tellchantel

3. Episodes coming soon! I've been sick for the past month and a half, but I'm getting back into the swing of things and I'll be publishing some amazing interviews I’ve done in the last few months. Also be on the lookout for first ever short video clips from yours truly. Everything from music, to life learnings and teachings, to cooking, to pregnancy and so much more.

And please let me know how you're doing! I want to hear from you. How have you been? Have you been sick this winter too? This year has been BRUTAL for my family and me. Looking forward to sun, Spring and warmth again.

Take care, my lovely followers! I love and appreciate every single one of you and pray that you're doing well.

My dad put it well as I was growing up: “Hurt people hurt people”. Read that again and let it sink in like I had to. Hurt people - people who are hurt - have a tendency to hurt others, mainly the people who hurt them in the first place.

This is why bullies tend to be the most traumatized people on the planet. By intimidating and hurting others, it’s a way of expressing their own pain that was inflicted on them.

Maybe you’ve heard the word forgiveness and rolled your eyes or run for the hills. I have. I was a pastor’s daughter, and I’ve encountered all sorts of spiritual abuse and well-meaning “church mentors” who attempted to guilt and pressure me for not forgiving as quickly as humanly possible when someone hurt me.

So what is Forgiveness, really? And what is it not?

In this episode, I break down the real meaning of it and how to apply it to our daily lives. I share my experience with forgiveness, betrayal, dogma, stigma, and false doctrine. And I will encourage you in your own journeys to forgiveness.

You can also find me on Twitter (twitter.com/tellchantel), Facebook (facebook.com/tellchantel), any major podcasting platform, and many other places!

It's National Adoption Day!

This is a special day for so many people. It raises awareness to the need for adoption in America. According to the official National Adoption Day website, there are 113,000 children awaiting adoption from foster homes in the United States.

So naturally, I had to interview Jina and Jerry Ezell. If anyone understands the experience of the foster system, and adoption, it's these two. Be inspired by their real, raw, honest story. Hear their perspective about love, empathy, God's calling, and so much more. It was such an amazing pleasure to be able to talk with them.

Adoption is a beautiful thing.

Studies suggest that home births and birth centers have seen an increase over the last couple years and it's not a surprise. While there are women who opt for hospitals, many women are choosing the natural route for various reasons. Less interventions, more freedom in terms of who will be present, and to prevent unnecessary interventions and restrictions that so often occur in hospitals.

For low risk pregnancies, I've been so grateful that it's an option where I live!

Bottom line is that the choice is important. Women should feel empowered, however and wherever they give birth. The  midwives at Bella Vie Birth Center do exactly that. They're in the business of empowering other women by supporting them in the births they want.

And it's a beautiful thing.

So take a listen to Desiree LeFave. Hear her story, and be inspired.

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Studies suggest that home births and birth centers have seen an increase over the last couple years and it's not a surprise. While there are women who opt for hospitals, many women are choosing the natural route for various reasons. Less interventions, more freedom in terms of who will be present, and to prevent unnecessary interventions and restrictions that so often occur in hospitals.

For low risk pregnancies, I've been so grateful that it's an option where I live!

Bottom line is that the choice is important. Women should feel empowered, however and wherever they give birth. The  midwives at Bella Vie Birth Center do exactly that. They're in the business of empowering other women by supporting them in the births they want.

And it's a beautiful thing.

So take a listen to Desiree LeFave. Hear her story, and be inspired.

That phrase alone says it all. This is the story of a man named Ryan Murphy. He served in his church faithfully for 15 years as a pastor, so leaving it certainly wasn’t easy.

Unfortunately, there are far too many stories like his, myself included. So when I saw his saga unfold, I had to reach out to him. Ryan understands multiple things that I believe are noteworthy:

1. Loss. Leaving a church, whether you’ve been shunned, let go peacefully, or just chosen to leave is never easy especially if you’ve been a part of it for a long time.

2. Compartmentalization. Ryan didn’t “throw the baby out with the bath water” when he left the church. In other words, he continued to follow God even more than he did before. He understands that God is not constrained to a building, and he understands that the church body isn’t constrained to a building either. He was able to compartmentalize the notion that God and the modern corporate church are not the same thing and do not have to exist together. He knows that you can have a relationship with God, AND be a part of the “body of Christ” without being part of an official church.

3. Discernment. Ryan had the discernment to understand the flaws of the church, as well as the church’s potential and current positive attributes.

4. Critical thinking. Ryan won’t blindly follow the cookiecutter Christian process if that process goes against his convictions. He thinks outside the box because he understands that God also thinks outside the box. He knows that churches so often get stuck in their ways that they miss God’s true purpose on Earth.

5. Deconstruction. Ryan understands that sometimes things need to be deconstructed to be put together the right way. This includes many (but not all) churches today. God models this in scripture when He uses refining fire on our hearts as He works on us. It’s a painful process, but beautiful in the end. We must die to our old, corrupt selves and become the new selves God destined us to be. When the process is in dire need of improvement, we must sometimes be willing to demolish the process and start over.

6. Reform. Ryan understands the church’s need for reform. And this is something that should be on all Christians’ minds, whether they belong to a “church” or not. If we don't seek to improve ourselves, and the communities we’re a part of, we become spiritually stagnant. God designed us for growth, and this very much includes the church. We mustn't get stuck in our ways and our old routines just for the sake of it. We must constantly evaluate our convictions, our behavior towards others, our self-awareness, and our view of God. And if something is off, we need to fix it.

If you have a similar experience to Ryan, know you are certainly not alone. Studies show that church attendance has been declining steadily since the 1990s, and that speaks volumes. It can feel very isolating, maddening and scary when the church fails you.

Remember this though: people may fail us but God never will.

Additionally, remember that the church is filled with broken people. They can choose to let Him use them, or choose to ignore Him. What YOU can do is seek to improve the things you can. Call out the hypocrisy. Jesus did, and so can you. Show kindness to others in your community - the single parents, the orphans, the widows. When the church fails, you can succeed. When hope seems lost, you can find it, then share it with others.

When we can learn to separate the bad from the good, and when we can strive for God despite all circumstances, we can be more like Ryan.

Because Heather is a true catalyst for the common good of humanity, and a natural leader, I really wanted to understand her mindset on "success".

Success is something all of us hope for, but only a few of us achieve. What's her secret? How did she do it? Was it all rainbows and butterflies? Or were there hardships involved? If so, what were they?

Watch/listen to the full episode in this post!

Let's just put it this way, we ate there 3 days in a row while we were attending a developer conference. The slogan for Goela is "Random Comfort Food". And let me tell you, it lives up to its name in the best of ways. The recipes are so creative and diverse. Every single "random" ingredient intertwines together in the perfect melody of flavors.

And not only that, but everyone who works there is friendly, kind and joyful. Every single waitress and waiter that served customers at their tables treated them like they were the most important people on earth.

When I visit an establishment like this, there's something I can immediately detect: good management.

I had to talk to the owner. Clearly, he or she had mastered the art of not only impeccable culinary skills, but also people skills. To every business owner out there, watch this and take notes.

Included in this article is the full interview with João Ribeiro, chef and owner, along with pictures and other videos of this amazing place. If you visit Porto, be sure to come to Goela, the best restaurant in Porto.