Stop looking for worth in all the wrong places
Stop looking for worth in all the wrong places
To feel worthy is one of the deepest human longings. We are born with an innate need to feel love, belonging and connection. And it isn't just psychological. It's primal.
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When we don't get these things as a child, it can have long term consequences in a person's life, both mental and physical. Treatment for mental illness is a big business for a reason. We are in dire need of worthiness - that assurance and knowledge that we are valued, cherished and loved.
But we don't just need these things as children. This need lasts our whole lives. It's by design. Nothing is wrong with you if you're sad this need isn't being met. You are not irrational or dysfunctional for feeling the negative effects of having a void that hasn't been filled. You're normal. This cannot be emphasized enough.
But what then? If we need to find worth, where is it? Can you find it in one night stands? Can you find it in the words of affirmation from others? Can you find it from your therapist? Your coworker? Or even your spouse?
Short answer: no. This is how I spent a great part of my life. I wasted years and years trying to find my worth in my parents, in boys when I was in high school, in mom friends when I became a mom, in my spouse, in my children, and so many others. Some could argue I was "codependent". Codependency causes a person to form unhealthy emotional attachments to people, in my case because of childhood trauma. A few years ago, I set out on a quest to heal, and I've never looked back. Making my wellbeing a priority was the best decision I've ever made, and it's only been uphill from there.
My worth, as it turns out, had been with me all along. Underneath the pain of neglect, abandonment, abuse and brokenness, my worth was there. It was buried like a hidden treasure under a mountain of rocks and I had to use a chisel to find it, but it was there nonetheless. What did it look like? It was beautiful. It looked like the internal sense of being good enough, just as I was, with the potential that I had. Without grandiosity, accomplishments, or interesting people, I was worthy just by existing on this earth. I realized that I was here for a purpose, a reason, and that I would never let that purpose be hidden under a mountain again.
If you're in the place I was in before, I am here to tell you that you can find it just like I did by remembering and meditating on these facts:
You are an expression. When you were born, God handpicked you to be the only you in the entire universe. Not a single other person has your finger prints, your personality, your unique set of talents, or your soul. You are one in multiple billion. You are a unique life, expressed. Every breath that you take, every word that you speak and every talent and gift that you use gives you an opportunity to express your worth.
Worthiness is innate. You can't earn it, you can't find it in people, and you can't speak it into existence. Your worth is as genetic as the color of your hair or the shape of your eyes.
Your worth isn't going anywhere. At no point can you "lose" your worth. Even if you make mistakes, your worth is God-given. It cannot be taken from another person. It cannot be bought. It's with you wherever you go, and it's staying.
"Owning our worthiness is the act of acknowledging that we are sacred"
- Brené Brown